My Grief & My decision

June-2018

On 21.2.18 , when I came to my room to take lunch, my phone rang & I was informed that my wife met with an accident & sustained some injuries. I was unaware at that time that she is no more & the accident was fatal. When I came to know it while waiting for the flight, my mind became blank & tears started rolling from my eyes. This is perhaps the first severe blow in my life as our association is for 30 years & we have many sweet memories till date. I was totally not accepting her death till around three weeks & was still in trauma thinking that all that I heard/experiencing is a dream. No consolation of any kind could give me comfort except weeping loudly which I was unable to do. My son & daughter did worry a lot but tried to be balanced in my presence. I wondered to note their maturity. They know very well how I & their mother lived together with lot of affection & separation is one thing which is unbearable to any of us. We ourselves decided to live together & ours is a love marriage unlike in many of the cases of our times.

Till now, I relied only on my wisdom & guided many people w.r.t. their personal/professional problems. Now I was forced to console myself. Leading life without your loved partner is really a challenging task as in every moment of life her memories haunts & her missing is irrevocable.

Fortunately, for me her memory is her smiling face & her teasing words treating me like a child which I enjoyed most of the time. She is well remembered by all about her perfection in work, hard working nature, creativity in doing work etc. She always used to say that she enjoyed her life fully & happy to have me as a life partner & wished to have me as her life partner in next life also! Even though I don’t believe life after death, I wish it to happen in our case.

Even though I decided to live with my children, at the age of 55 yrs, I feel that I am left alone. My daughter who was very deeply bonded with her mother is the only inspiration for me to learn how to cope up such tragic incident in life. Her assurance to be with me forever, may be emotionally, consoles me to a large extent. My son & daughter-in-law also gave me lot of support & assured me of their continued assistance in whatever form I require. Ultimately I decided as below;

As I cannot change the past,

Concentrate on what to do next to help other family members to come out of the grief.

Convert my grief to compassion towards others &

Develop a passion to live lively for the rest of my life.

But is it possible ??????

Coelho Paulo – The Winner Stands Alone- The one liners I liked most

Coelho Paulo – The Winner Stands Alone

Date: 26.8.19

Are we thinking like this? If so, we may need to change our mind set as per the author to become winner in life.

11. Spending years studying at university only to find at the end of it all that you’re unemployable.

22.Working from nine till five every day at something that gives you no pleasure at all just so that, after thirty years, you can retire.

33. Retiring and discovering that you no longer have enough energy to enjoy life and dying a few years later of sheer boredom.

44. Believing that power is much more important than money and that money is much more important than happiness.

55. Making fun of anyone who seeks happiness rather than money and accusing them of “lacking ambition.”

66. Comparing objects like cars, houses, clothes, and defining life according to those comparisons, instead of trying to discover the real reason for being alive.

77. Never talking to strangers. Saying nasty things about the neighbors.

88. Believing that your parents are always right.

99. Getting married, having children, and staying together long after all love has died, saying that it’s for the good of the children (who are, apparently, deaf to the constant rows).

110. Criticizing anyone who tries to be different.

111.  Waking up each morning to a hysterical alarm clock on the bedside table. 15. Believing absolutely everything that appears in print.

112. Wearing a scrap of colored cloth around your neck, even though it serves no useful purpose, but which answers to the name of “tie.”

113.   Never asking a direct question, even though the other person can guess what it is you want to know. 18. Keeping a smile on your lips even when you’re on the verge of tears. Feeling sorry for those who show their feelings.

114.   Believing that art is either worth a fortune or worth nothing at all.

115.   Despising anything that was easy to achieve because if no sacrifice was involved, it obviously isn’t worth having.

116.   Following fashion trends, however ridiculous or uncomfortable.

117.   Believing that all famous people have tons of money saved up.

118.   Investing a lot of time and money in external beauty and caring little about inner beauty.

119.   Using every means possible to show that, although you’re just an ordinary human being, you’re far above other mortals.

220.   Never looking anyone in the eye when you’re traveling on public transport, in case it’s interpreted as a sign you’re trying to get off with them.

221.   Standing facing the door in an elevator and pretending you’re the only person there, regardless of how crowded it is.

222.   Never laughing too loudly in a restaurant however good the joke.

223.   In the northern hemisphere, always dressing according to the season: bare arms in spring (however cold it is) and woolen jacket in autumn (however hot it is).

224.   In the southern hemisphere, covering the Christmas tree with fake snow even though winter has nothing to do with the birth of Christ.

225.   Assuming, as you grow older, that you’re the guardian of the world’s wisdom, even if you haven’t necessarily lived enough to know what’s right and wrong.

226.   Going to a charity tea party and thinking that you’ve done your bit toward putting an end to social inequality in the world.

227.   Eating three times a day even if you’re not hungry.

228.   Believing that other people are always better than you— better-looking, more capable, richer, more intelligent—and that it’s very dangerous to step outside your own limits, so it’s best to do nothing.

229.   Using your car as a weapon and as impenetrable armor.

330.   Believing that everything your child does wrong is entirely down to the company he or she keeps.

331.   Marrying the first person who offers you a decent position in society. Love can wait.

332.   Always saying, “I tried” when you didn’t really try at all.

333.   Postponing doing the really interesting things in life for later, when you won’t have the energy.

334.   Avoiding depression with large daily doses of television.

335.   Believing that you can be sure of everything you’ve achieved.

336.   Assuming that women don’t like football and that men aren’t interested in home decoration and cooking.

337.   Thinking that being a good, decent, respectable person will mean that others will see you as weak, vulnerable, and easy to manipulate.

438.   Being equally convinced that aggression and rudeness are synonymous with having a “powerful personality.”

439.   Being afraid of having an endoscopy (if you’re a man) and giving birth (if you’re a woman).

P* Power doesn’t negotiate with anyone, only with itself. However, all is not lost. In the world of fiction and in the real world, there is always a hero.

** Normal is anything that makes us forget who we are and what we want; that way we can work in order to produce, reproduce, and earn money.